Okey, i havent bloged on a couple of days now, but since i've updated my blog i think i'd write here in the first place. Right now i have no idea how my life is going to work. I have a son on almost one week, and cant handle to have him by my own. Its so hard to be alone in this, and the father said he would be there supporting me, but now.. no..
its so many thoughts who runs through my head right now.. Hard ones and easy ones.. One of the hardest is that i think i would travel to the father , and give him Sammy , as i can go & kill myself. Because i cant handle all of this on my own. Im only 15 years & havent seen the world, Which i wanted to do.. but since i got Sammy, al is changed..

And i also got a letter from the father to the baby; i cant stop thinking about you.. when i saw you first time, i thought "this has to be a be a perfect boy, and is he really mine?". i never thought i'd would see a boy like you.. And i got tears in my eyes when i saw how small you were.. thought "one day you'll be just like me" . but noone knows.. When i took on your hands, i felt with once a strength.. A strength of that your my son. your hands, were so smaller than mine.. and your eyes.. you were like a doll, but a real one! when im getting my voice back, im starting singing to you again.. when your mum gives me you, to let me hold you, i cant nothing else than looking at you.. today was my first diper canging on you.. And if im going to do that for severals of years, im giving you away Ö . no, but thats the real life, with having a son, like you! <3 .
im just so overlucky to have you & your mum in the house, when your coming home from the hospital.. and you know what Sammy? - no one in the world, even my family would EVER seperate me from you. cause now.. im the most overluckyest father in the hole world, Because family realationships are what i means are the most important you ever can have! oh, gott! now im sitting here, in my bed and write something you dont understand
-__-", well, thats me!

12.4.08 12:53

Wow! Im a mum .

Hi everyone:] .
April 06th 2008, around the time 00:20 did i birth my son . It started around April 05th, around the time 14:10. I almost gave up when the clock where 23:20.. but they told me to keep on. Well, he was 5689 gram & 47 cm long. My eks boyfriend came around 01:00 i think, and he knew that i wanted the baby to have the name "Sammy Orlando", but he hated that name. But when he holded him, he saw at me, with big eyes, and said "i think this might be a Sammy Orlando" . And ofcourse i had to sleep of when i got visit, but now the worst is over.. I can breath out, and say that im never going to have kids again, NEVER! ^^ .

I want to thank Trina for being there and supported me throug the hole damn birth. i really pleasure that < 3. So im staying on the hospital for a week or something, before i can move home to my eksboyfriend. You can read more about Sammy, HERE !
6.4.08 12:19

Can feel the baby is soon coming :'/

I have been so damn sick the last few days, that i've almost died! Omg, i just can feel that the date soon are there! I cant really keep this up any longer.. this is freaky painful & hard also . Im on the hospital.. And Ann Kathrin is here with me.
I just wanted someone i could talk with ^.^! now im pretty bored. have no idea what to do.. just listening at "AFI remix" by  Tokio Hotel . Im soon going to bed, because i can't handle more of sitting up so latley . the nurses at the hospital have said that some days before the birth i can be very sick, i can also throw up alot as i have done the hole day, so its possibly that the weekend's going to the birth. but im not sure if it comes this weekend.. im so nervouse & scared :|
5.4.08 00:05

Leavin Los Angeles. Sorry for not bloging.

Okey, the clock is late, and i've slept all the day! Damn, its April. And soon is the time for my termine. Damn its going fast. Well, after i've written this blog, i'll go to sleep again. And on Friday, my plane goes to Germany which im very happy for! Well, im excited for how Bill is doing it on the hospital. but im not going to visit him.. yet! Now im just chilling while im listening at "Tokio Hotel- Ready Set Go", which are on TV right now! Well, i think that im going out later, if im woken than, but if not.. I'll stand in bed!
My "bodyguard" Norèa, are going to make me Hot Dogs today, and i really plesure at that people don't are like stupid idiots to me as people are ! Just for that i've been together with Bill doesn't mean that i still got feelings for him. Listen, i know you guys love Bill very high, and i wont destroy it for you, so you can have him by your self.
but now first before im going and sleep at the sofa, im having a damn good & long shower hour!
1.4.08 14:58

moved to Los Angeles.

thaaats right peeps. i've moved to Los Angeles because i got a job here plus that i can't handle living in the same contry as my eksboyfriend does. Well.. I've updated not so much here! but at "Leftovers" is it just a thought i have for what it should look out ! Im sorry but i deleted this site this morning, and maked it up again because the layout freaked out . Do you want to be one of my Affilies ? Just take contact. - . im online 24/7 , almost! If im not, you just send me a mail (: . And now its just not so long to my termine . im soo nervouse Ö.
30.3.08 15:42

Gratis bloggen bei