Okey, i havent bloged on a couple of days now, but since i've updated my blog i think i'd write here in the first place. Right now i have no idea how my life is going to work. I have a son on almost one week, and cant handle to have him by my own. Its so hard to be alone in this, and the father said he would be there supporting me, but now.. no..
its so many thoughts who runs through my head right now.. Hard ones and easy ones.. One of the hardest is that i think i would travel to the father , and give him Sammy , as i can go & kill myself. Because i cant handle all of this on my own. Im only 15 years & havent seen the world, Which i wanted to do.. but since i got Sammy, al is changed..

And i also got a letter from the father to the baby; i cant stop thinking about you.. when i saw you first time, i thought "this has to be a be a perfect boy, and is he really mine?". i never thought i'd would see a boy like you.. And i got tears in my eyes when i saw how small you were.. thought "one day you'll be just like me" . but noone knows.. When i took on your hands, i felt with once a strength.. A strength of that your my son. your hands, were so smaller than mine.. and your eyes.. you were like a doll, but a real one! when im getting my voice back, im starting singing to you again.. when your mum gives me you, to let me hold you, i cant nothing else than looking at you.. today was my first diper canging on you.. And if im going to do that for severals of years, im giving you away Ö . no, but thats the real life, with having a son, like you! <3 .
im just so overlucky to have you & your mum in the house, when your coming home from the hospital.. and you know what Sammy? - no one in the world, even my family would EVER seperate me from you. cause now.. im the most overluckyest father in the hole world, Because family realationships are what i means are the most important you ever can have! oh, gott! now im sitting here, in my bed and write something you dont understand
-__-", well, thats me!

12.4.08 12:53

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